Stink at Blogging

So, when I originally started this blog, I was going to do it anonymously, as that way I could be as open with the internet world as I possibly could without fear of someone knowing it was me or coming into my life later and causing trouble because they "knew" about me from those posts. I then changed my mind as it is hard to believe stories about an anonymous woman, and even harder to get emotionally invested in her life. However, at that moment in time, I decided to be as open and honest as I could with the internet world, a world in which many of my best friends seem to reside. I'm thankful my honesty and openness has been accepted in the way that it has by most. That's not to say that I haven't had some consequences, too, though, for the record.

Anyway, once I made that decision, I started posting open and honestly on Facebook, which left me no time (or reason, really) to "blog." I'm naturally a long winded person, so even my status updates are the max of 420 characters! That's a miniblog in itself! :) However, I have spent the last few weeks "following" people I would like to get to know, know more about, read about, or share things with and with that, I will try to blog more often.

At the time I started this, I was having a very rough time as an Army wife, as my husband seemed to be having a rough time as a husband. I wanted to paint a portrait for the rest of the world, a real, true and honest portrait of what it was REALLY like behind the uniform and the "I belong to a soldier" shirts. I wanted to show people by experiences and life lessons that just because we endure deployments, distance due to training, up and moving and changing our lives at any given second, worrying everyday if my husband will come home from work or not or if that guy in the nicely pressed uniform will be knocking at my door, etc. doesn't mean things are perfect or that we don't struggle with and through the love. Just because we are forced to feel all of those emotions, including anger and fear and worry, which are emotions that often lead to passion, even when not intended or wanted, does not mean that we have somehow learned to appreciate each other so much that we get to live happily ever after without having a fight - ever. The reality is, for many of us, we have to deal with the extra fighting on top of the deployments, the emotions with the military life and trying to keep our lives and families together. It's hard. Life was so bad for me back then that I had hoped to post everyday about the on goings within my marriage and what I was dealing with as the wife of a soldier, who I would diagnose with PTSD anyday, even without my MD. This was my plan and this was going to be my "journal/diary" of sorts. However, life changed for us, we figured it out, we made it work, we were happy and we fell in love all over again and I no longer needed to get all of those feelings, emotions, thoughts and experiences out. There were no bad moments to share with the world, and let's face, it's much harder to share the good as you are often so caught up in the moment, the last thing you think about is posting it on the internet for a bunch of people who will read it and think "UGH, GAG ME!"

We have since completed our 2nd deployment as a married couple (his 3rd) and life is sometimes, back to those dark days I wanted to tell you all about. We are working on getting past them and as we do, as we conquer this set of hard times, I hope to share my stories and experiences with you - the good, the bad, and the in between. If there's days where I forget and you're wondering what's going on with me, don't be scared to remind me that I've got a job to do - to let the world know about my life :)

PS. You can find me on Facebook by name Rhandi M Elliott Conley